No Perfect Job

1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

4. Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

5. I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.

6. Then I tried teaching but I couldn’t make the grade.

7. I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist but everyone’s problems drove me crazy.

8. I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

9. Then I tried to be a chef–figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn’t have the thyme.

10. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

11. My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

12. I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.

13. I worked a long time as a doctor.  I gave it my best shot, but I didn’t have enough patients.

14. Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.

15.The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going…

16. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

17. Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

18. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

19. I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn’t up to it.

20. So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center) , but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

21. Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.

22. My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.

23. Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even thought it kind of turned me on.

24. I was a gardener for a while, but I didn’t grow with the job even though I was racking in the money.

25. My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.

26. After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

27. My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.